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Are you "Spanish?"
Unless you genuinely would like to know whether I am Spanish, like from the country Spain, do not ask this. It's really annoying that people refer to us as Spanish, when that is just the language we speak.
You don't look Latina — you're so light skinned/dark skinned!
As a half Brazilian half Middle Eastern woman, nothing pisses me off more than when people give me the wide eyed omg-you're-so-white-I –thought-you'd-look-like-Princess-Jasmine look. We come in all colors, shapes — the whole nine! It's like we can be dark or light, we must be this caramelo color. And stop, because I am still bummed that I don't look like Princess Jasmine!
Where are you from? No, no, no, like where are you from, originally?
Well originally I'm from New Jersey, how about you? Assuming that my "exotic look" obviously means I'm "foreign" is annoying. Unless we are having a conversation about our ancestors or ethnic backgrounds, this is a no, no. We hate to feel ostracized, and this does just that.
Do you speak Mexican? Dominican? Brazilian? Etc.
Cher may have told her housekeeper in Clueless that she doesn't speak Mexican and that's because it just doesn't exist! If you're smart you're reading this like, "duh!!" But trust me, people still ask this question. All Latinos (with the exceptions of Brazilians, who speak Portuguese) speak Spanish in some way, shape or form. But still, people love to ask me to speak "Brazilian" to them. They get pretty bummed when I tell them unfortunately no one ever taught me Brazilian. I know, what a shame, right?!
OMG, I loooooveeee Spanish food!!
I hope you mean some kick ass seafood and paella, because I hate to break it to you, but mofongo, tacos and maduros are NOT "Spanish food."
I love Taco Bell and Chipotle!
Me too. What's your point?
Your mother must be as gorgeous as Sofia Vergara!
Why do we all have to live up to this standard? Whhhyyyy?
Will you call me papi?
No, because you are not my dad.
Can you cook?
Because all Latinas can cook, right?
OMG, I bet you own a Chihuahua — you have to, right?!
I was shocked to hear this, but one of our Mexican American editors confirms this happened. Let that sink in. WTF?
I bet you come from a really big family.
Ummmm, I guess???
Wait, you don't have kids?!
God forbid you meet a young Latina without a hubby and kids. Not only do we have to take shit from our abuelas about that, but you too?
Pssst. Pssst. Mami!!
Sorry, I haven't seen your mother anywhere. I really hope you find her!