This time when I go to California it will be different for me. No Mom to say Goodbye to. No Mom to say Hello to. No Mom to call while I'm there to see how she's doing. No Mom to flourish with grandson stories.
Mom kind of looked forward to the day that this would come to be. She felt she was a burden, that I couldn't fully enjoy my time if I were worrying about her.
I never could stay very long, either. She didn't do well when I was away. I usually came home to a crisis.
I am going and I am staying a fairly long time, for me. And I am thinking of ways I might stay for a month or longer. Within walking distance of my kids, of course. I hate driving in L.A.
I am wondering what it's going to feel like. To look to the future instead of the past. To have kind of a carefree present, even though I will always care.
D.G. Fulford is the author of , written with her mother Phyllis Greene. She is also the co-founder of . You can find her at .
Photo credit: Marcia Smilack