1. There it is. A juicy, delicious watermelon that'll satisfy that craving for something sweet without the guilt of a chocolate cake and with an extra dose of refreshment. This is going to be gooooood.
2. My mouth is watering. I can't eat that slice fast enough.
3. Biting in. Ooh, that's COLD. Why does something so wonderful and good for you have to send a searing pain through every tooth that's made ?
4. But oh, there's that sweet, sweet taste. Hits the spot.
5. Uh-oh. Is that a seed? And is it a white one I can swallow or one of the black ones that'll either make me choke or sprout a new watermelon in my belly? That's a myth, right?
6. OK, it's definitely a black seed. How did I miss that when I bit in? That whole seed turning into a new watermelon inside you is OBVIOUSLY a myth. Right? I can't take any chances.
7. I can't take any chances. I'm spitting this out. I'm going to grab my napkin, pretend I'm merely wiping my mouth, let that pit drop out and daintily fold up the napkin so no one will realize the gross thing I just did.
8. Oh no. Now there's watermelon juice dripping down my arm. And my only napkin is now a seed receptacle! Guess I'm going to run the folded napkin with the seed inside along my skin to sop up the liquid.
9. That didn't work so well. The seed seems to have stolen the napkin's absorbent powers. Now I have a soggy napkin and a damp arm.
10. Great, now my fingers are sticky from wiping up the juice. There wasn't THAT much liquid! Why do I feel like I dipped my hands in glue? Never again.
11. I'm taking another bite anyway. But this time I'm going to grab a fresh napkin and hold it under the watermelon so the juice can't run down my arm. Ha! I've figured it all out.
12. THIS NAPKIN IS COMPLETELY SOAKED!!! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! I've selected the one watermelon slice that can single-handedly reverse drought crises.
13. And now said napkin is tearing itself apart as it adheres to my sticky fingers. I kind of want to dip my arms into a deeper version of those bowls manicurists have you cleanse your nails in while they work on the other hand.
14. Let's see how far down to the rind I can eat. I'm already a wet, sticky mess. Might as well go all the way now!
15. My entire face is moist from spelunking into the celadon depths of this watermelon slice. I should've stopped when the fruit went from red to pale-green.
16. Forget napkins and bowls. I need floss.